Uncategorized

Tinder Scam Profiles – Always “I’m deployed”

I’ve been playing  on Tinder now for a couple of months and although it has gotten better there is still Scammer Profiles that pop up.  Part of me being me is that I have a near photographic memory and I find patterns in information it’s what made me very very very good in my career as an Information Management specialist.

The below is just my opinion and it’s specific to male profiles since I’m not bi or gay  my Tinder profile is set as “Female Looking For Male” so I have no idea what female scammers do.

The male scammer profile has a tendency to be as follows.

  1. Limited to one photo – occasionally 2
  2. Photo will be some guy in a Military Uniform, if there is 2 photos one might be in normal clothes (scammers are getting smarter about this)
  3. Profile location will be a gazillion kilometres away from you to make it look like they are deployed
  4. They don’t list qualifications
  5. They have some vague description of job like “Engineer in Deployed Location”
  6. Normally in the age range of 35 to 45 (that could possibly just be my preference settings)
  7. They will tell you their marital status is one of 3 things (this normally comes up in conversation after they figure out which one is more likely to push you sympathy button)
    • Widowed (less popular these days)
    • Recently divorced because she couldn’t handily his job
    • Single forever because his job makes it impossible to get a relationship going
  8. Their profile “about me” will be very generic but not really tell you a whole lot apart from probably hight, lonely, deployed etc.
  9. The topic of children will not be on the “about me” because they want to find out if either you have kids, want kids or don’t have/don’t want.

They used to just flat out after the first “hi how are you” ask for your KiK, Whats App, email, mobile number or whatever but they’ve got a bit smarter and now do a bit of digging to see if you’re a suitable target.

The script seems to go something like this:

  •  “Hi I’m so glad we matched I real like your profile”
  • “How long have you been on Tinder”
  • “I’ve only just started on Tinder this week still trying to get an idea of how it works” (they are hoping you haven’t seen their profile for the last 6 months and clicked NO)
  • “How long have you been single” (e.g. how desperate are you to be in a relationship and how easy are you to hook into a scam)
  • “Do you have children” – followed by “do you want kids, I’ve always wanted kids, my x has my kids and won’t let me see them”
  • “Where do you live” (normally asked so if you give them your phone number they know what country code to plug in because most people don’t think to give that info when suppling a mobile number)
  • “What do you do for a living”
  • “Have you ever communicated with a soldier”

At this point in time they normally vanish off my profile so I have no idea what comes next but I’m guessing it’s

  • “We’re really not supposed to use these types of apps while deployed can I talk to you via Facebook, KiK, Whats App, Email or text to your phone”

Why do they stop talking to me, delete our perfect match and block me – I used to work for Defence and I still have my security clearance and I love saying things like.  “Oh I’ve got lots of soldiers I talk to online because I worked for Defence, which when you think about it makes it easier for us because if we do start dating it’ll be really easy to cross-reference your security clearance” and POOF INSTANTLY THEY VANISH.

I’ve also had them instantly vanish when I ask things like

  • “you just told me you work for the US Army why does your profile pic have you in a UK Royal Marines Uniform”
  • “If you are in the USMC why are you wearing an Army Uniform”
  • “If you are deployed in XYZ province why are you on Tinder, doesn’t it breach the current communication restriction rules”
  • “If Tinder isn’t allowed because it has a GPS location component why would you be allowed to use FaceBook, KIK, Whats App they all have the same GPS algorithm”

As I said this is just my opinion but “I’m a deployed soldier” seems to be the latest hook for women looking for a nice guy on things like Tinder.  Personally it really shits me off because I do have friends who are or have been deployed in war zones around the globe and lack of ability to communicate with the outside world can do some serious damage to their mental health and make them feel incredibly isolated.

So next time you’re chatting to a supposedly deployed soldier offer to become a pen pal and ask for his snail mail address or his military e-mail address.  If they are a scammer snail mail will be rejected instantly and you’ll probably get offered a @gmail or @hotmail email address.  Instantly plug the email address into google and see if it pops on any scam sites, they tend to be remarkably dumb about changing addresses.

 

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#Embrace, Uncategorized

#Embrace (Body Image Movement)

On 12 September 2016 I along with 300 (or more) other people I went to see the documentary called #Embrace made by Taryn Burmfitt who has created an entire movement based off it called Body Image Movement.

#Embrace was an awesome documentary about women’s relationships with their own bodies and how mostly women’s emotions toward their bodies ranges between dislike and total self loathing.  The message of the documentary and the Body Image Movement is to learn to love yourself as you are.  You don’t need to be thinner, taller, blonder, bigger bobbed, bigger assed, smaller feet, straight haired, non-glasses wearing or anything else you think is wrong with you, so long as you are fit and healthy you are perfect.

The documentary really does bring home some surprising facts like girls as young as the 5 to 12 age group want to diet because they think they are to fat and they see how obsessive other female relatives are about body weight.  That within a short space of time of western TV programs, movies and magazines ending up in cultures that liked bigger bodied women  it rapidly changed to thin=attractive.  That the message being pushed these days is no longer active=healthy but that thin=health, which is not true you can be a size 22 and be fitter and healthier than someone starving themselves to be a size 10.  Most women are in a healthy weight range between size 12 to size 16 but this is now being labelled as PLUS SIZE for models and clothing.

Mia Freedman is scathing about how when she put out an issue of one of the big name magazines she was chief editor for the photographer wouldn’t put his name on the work, the makeup artist made the apprentice do it, no clothing supplier in Australia would supply products because no one wanted their brand associated with a FAT issue of the magazine.  The models she was trying to cloth were size 12 and she calls it the fashion industries dirty little secret that they are happy to charge more money for “bigger sizes” but they don’t want those clothes put in a magazine.  She goes on to point out that the argument that “women want to only see blond, skinny models” in magazines is crap and can be proven because women are now voting with their wallets and magazine sales are tanking.

However the whole thing did get me thinking about me and my relationship to my body, which at best could be described as “invisible”.  I don’t look in mirrors or weigh my self and so long as my clothes fit I don’t mentally punish myself for not being a size 12 with DD cups and a gap between my thighs.  Oddly I’m not shy about taking my clothes off in a room full of people (ask my friends and they’ll tell horror stories of changing in a store because the fitting rooms were full or getting kicked out of a bar for stripping while dancing on a table).  However put me on a one-on-one intimate relationship setting and suddenly all my insecurities emerge (I’m to fat, my boobs are to small, my ass is to big etc) which might explain why I don’t do one night stand or casual sex I have to trust you before I’m going to get naked with you.

It also got me thinking about other things to do with “Body Image”.  The first one is to do with my religious beliefs.  For those of you who don’t know I’m a practicing Green Witch and have been well most of my life really.  Now considering witch and wicca are mother goddess based belief systems one would think it would be ok to be zaftig (that’s a nice way of saying bigger).  Yeah na I am yet to find one wicca or witch based site that has realistic pictures of witches.  Every frigging site has the fantasy art or photoshopped sexy seductress witch with teeny tiny waist, big boobs, legs up to her armpits and very little clothing on and it is really starting to piss me off to be honest.  You look at any goddess figure from ancient times and she was round and curvaceous and zaftig not some fantasy art Lara Croft doll made up in the imagination of some prepubescent male who’s idea of “woman” = “Barbie”.

The second one is a lot more personal and it hit me today that I’m really really really self conscious about it and goddess love my family but they’ve managed to make me even more self conscious than I used to be about it.  I drool in my sleep and I snore, which lets face it isn’t romantic but it is human.  I can’t do anything about either of these things they are what they are but I’m now so self conscious about them I’m petrified to fall asleep on things like planes and the thought of staying over some guys house or him staying over mine and discovering this horrid thing about me is absolutely mind numbingly painful.  Today while flying down to Sydney from Brisbane I was exhausted and as per normal on a flight I dropped off but the minute I started to really sleep I’d snap awake because I was petrified I’d start snoring.  According to my family we’re not talking a dainty little purring snore its kind of more like being roared at by a T-Rex less than an inch from your face.  I have no idea how I’m going to come to terms with this bit of me that I loath but I’m going to try.

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Uncategorized

Poodle Vs Wolf Debate

For once I actually decided to read my September 2016 (Issue 253) of Marie Claire Australia instead of just skipping to the beauty section and I found an article called “Are you a Poodle or a Wolf”.  The content is apparently an editorial extract from a book called “You’ll Grow Out of It” by Jessi Klein a stand up comedian and writer based in the USA.

The book was published in July 2016 and debate about Poodle Vs Wolf has been raging every since according to my google search.  For those that have no idea what I’m talking about the very simple explanation is Poodles and Wolves share 99% of the same gene pool so technically are the same species but they are totally different creatures.  Women are the same we all share basically the same XX chromosomes but we are vastly different creatures and we fit one of two types (Poodle or Wolf):

Poodle – always elegantly graceful, alway wear the right clothes, total self confidence that they are the most beautiful woman in the room, turns up late to everything because they are the centre of their own universe, even at the gym they don’t sweat and so on.

Wolf: never quite dressed right for the occasion because fashion is irrelevant to their life, sweats at the gym and comes away looking hot and irritated, life of the party because they are approachable and funny, if their late it’s because they were busy with their kids or other responsibility, generally as a rule not the centre of their own universe.  Can if pushed dress up to look like a Poodle and behave like one but they’re really not comfortable in that role.

Me personally I think she got it slightly wrong.  I think you can divide women into 3 types of Canine varieties as follows:

poodlePrancers e.g. Poodles: always elegantly graceful, alway wear the right clothes, total self confidence that they are the most beautiful woman in the room, turns up late to everything because they are the centre of their own universe, even at the gym they don’t sweat.  However they tend to me needy and don’t like to be left on their own very much.

pulisf4Domestics e.g. Puli:  Tend to be outward not inward focused on their job, family or community.  Incredibly loyal to their family and naturally suspicious of strangers they will furiously defend their territory.  They are comfortable in their own skin so it’s not that they don’t care about fashion they just know what they feel comfortable in.  They’d much rather spend 20 minutes talking to their kids, spouse or family than slapping on makeup.  It doesn’t make them any less female and if pushed they’ll turn themselves into a poodle for a good reason but they’re happy to let everyone know this is not their day to day nature.  They are also amazingly good communicators who seem to know exactly the right thing to say at the right time in any situation.

flat550x550075fWolves: These ladies are a completely different bread altogether.  They might have the XX Chromosome but they like wolves will never be mistaken for either a Prancer or Domestic.  They might or might not bother to dress up for an event because they literally don’t care what anyone thinks of them.  They naturally radiate an intense level of energy.  Most people male or female feel uncomfortable around a wolf because she’s not trying to join in she’s studying them maybe in amusement or maybe to get an understanding of the group dynamic. The one thing she wolves have in common with other women is with Domestics and their devotion to their pack (family). Pity the Poodle who makes a play for a she wolfs man as that is when you truly see what an apex predatory is capable of.

I’m going to put my hand up and freely admit to being a She Wolf to my bones, which might explain why I’m still single.  After all it takes an equally as strong He Wolf to be able to live with a She Wolf we tend to be intense and a little scary.

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Tinder! why the hype, Uncategorized

Tinder! why the hype

I’d like to acknowledge I nicked the featured image off the web it came from a page called Tinder Man – Tinder Junkie  – click the name to jump to his page it’s a good page if you’re interested in Dating Apps.

Can’t believe I’m going to admit this but I’ve been single long enough to remember when Tinder was launched as an app for iPhone and later Android devices way back in 2012.  At the time from a purely geek-nerd prospective it was brilliant because it fully utilised  the touch screen technology on your phone by the Swipe Left = No or Swipe Right = Yes plus an algorithm that only allowed contact if you both mutually said Yes.  The original version also had the capacity to create a profile from scratch adding the information you thought was relevant.

The Tinder programmers being wise and oddly attentive to what end users were saying about fake profiles-scammers have now made it harder to not be who you say you are by only allowing profiles to be created if you have a Facebook account to link to and they also like to link to you Instagram just to prove you are you.  Oddly this means most profiles  in Tinder contain wrong information because people don’t update their Facebook info with new jobs, new qualifications, the place they are now living or just about anything really and you can’t manually change the information in Tinder it’s locked to sucking it out of Facebook only.

From launch day in 2012 it has been one of those apps in the dating world that literally everyone talks about.  Mostly the user rave about how easy it is to use, how genuine the profiles are, people are friendly, for a free app it’s mostly glitch free and so on and so forth.  There is what I’ll call the 10% who’ve had bad experiences with Tinder and HATE it with a passion, oddly they are tough to find but they are out there.

Way back in the day when I used an Android device I tried Tinder and decided I was a 10% who hated it more because of technical issues with my phone than the app its self.  Once I shifted to iPhone I again tried Tinder on a version before you had to link to Facebook and go hit by so many dick pics and scammers I confirmed my place in the 10% of HATERS and never intended to use it again.

I really should learn not to say the world “never” because it always comes back to bite me. So back in April/May 2016 I tried to download and use Tinder and I hit what is the worst glitch I’ve ever seen in an App and even Tinder doesn’t know why it happens.  To create a Tinder profile you must first create a log in, tell Tinder to link to Facebook, confirm with Facebook that yes you’re allowing Tinder to link to it and then Tinder sucks info out of Facebook to create your Tinder Profile.  However the Looping Glitch as I’ve nicknamed it happens when only part of the information is sucked out of Facebook to Tinder and then every 5 seconds (yes I counted how long it takes) in your Tinder app you get a popup message asking you to allow access to Facebook but it never actually allows you to reconnect to Facebook.

Because Tinder wouldn’t let me link to Facebook and create an account naturally I was determined to solve the problem and create a profile.  It took me till halfway through June to suddenly have it all work.  No idea why I just kept trying every trick listed on Google sites on how to fix the issue (there is a whole range of reasons the looping glitch can happen).

So since June I’ve been using Tinder and swiping left or right as I like.  However it’s really not doing much for me apart from the occasional interesting conversation via the messaging section of the app.  It seems to be if I do hit a mutual match I’m the one starting a conversation and either their profile just vanishes because they’ve “unmatched” me or I never hear back from them.  The ones I do hear back from are all woooo hoooo gung-ho till they realise that nope I really truly am not interested in casual sex then they to poof vanish off the message area.

Now I thought it was just me and that me being picky was the problem.  However I overheard a couple of girls probably mid 20s the other night basically bitching about the same issues I have with Tinder that the guys don’t fill out their profiles and they say they  are looking for more than casual sex but they’re not blah blah blah.  I was wondering by now if men view Tinder as a dating app or a pickup app when my lil sis in London rang to chat and the topic came up about Tinder.  Turns out the night before she’d been out to drinks and dinner with a male buddy of her’s and he’d bitched about how he’s made it clear he’s looking for someone to settle down with and all the women who contact him either haven’t bother to fill out their profile or only want casual relationships.  So apparently no it’s not just girls finding Tinder isn’t really a good place to find anything that might turn into a relationship.

Which makes me wonder in a world were swiping touch screen technology is common, the matching algorithm is used by just about every dating site and the profiles are largely incorrect because it sucks the info out of Facebook and you can’t edit it.  Why is Tinder still one of the highest rated apps, raved about by millions (according to Tinder) and used by so many?

I really don’t get the hype it’s not that good an app!

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SBS Show - How to Find Love Online, Uncategorized

SBS Show – How to Find Love Online

Generally as a rule I’m not one for just watching TV I tend to bing watch on Netflix while crocheting baby blankets but every now and then I’ll catch an ad for something that I’ll make a point of watching.

On Sunday 12th June I made a point of watching “How To Find Love Online” on SBS (hyperlinked to the On Demand version), mainly because the ad I sore for it made me dead curious.

The official blurb from SBS is – The Internet has transformed every part of our lives and is now changing arguably the most important part – our love lives. Internet dating is now the second most common way that couples meet. But what is the best way to make the online search for love successful? What are the ‘matchmaking’ algorithms that the big companies use? Do they really deliver the goods, or is it just clever marketing and actually a giant con? And is there really any science involved? Dr Hannah Fry and Dr Xand Van Tulleken investigate. (From the UK) (Documentary) G CC.

My main reason for wanting to watch it was because it was a rare view of online dating from a males point of view.  Think about it 99% of blogs, articles, documentaries or books on the subject of online dating are written by women for women and from a women’s point of view.  So a rare glimpse into the male mindset on the subject is a not to be missed opportunity.

I found out some fascinating things watching this show

  1. Men get as frustrated and fed up as women do with the fake profiles, bad dates and being the only single left in your group of family/friends.
  2. E-harmony has one advantage over other sites it’s in-depth (and irritating) questions do weed out narcissistic and sociopathic personalities.  So if anyone you’re on a date with tells you e-harmony couldn’t match them run away very fast.
  3. Photos matter – Doesn’t matter if we girls are looking for a breeder, feeder, toy-boy or travel buddy if they have photos of themselves smiling and doing outdoors activities especially with pets we’re more likely to click “like” than if the photos are idiotic, indoors or unsmiling and the revers is true men like their women healthy, happy and active.
  4. Nice guy profiles don’t cut it – we (the female of the species) apparently prefer the warrior over the caring type so men should put things like “worked in deployed environments” rather than “worked for UN in refugee camps helping abused women” (Are we really that fickle? *ok yeah I am I like men in uniform sigh*)
  5. Suggestion of Like or Dislike works – if someone tells you that these people are perfect for you and you matched really well you’re actually more likely to like them than if you’re told you’ll dislike everyone in the group.
  6. Optimum Stopping Theory will incrust your probability of meeting someone if you’re using a swipe and gripe program like Tinder.

Out of all of the information the Optimum Stopping Theory was the most fascinating.  To put it simply if you give yourself a limit of 100 profiles to view and then swipe no to the first 37 and then stop on the first profile between 38 and 100 you’ve interested in the likelihood of finding true love by 37% better than just randomly swiping like or dislike.  Sounds nuts but when using a swipe and gripe program like Tinder any advantage is helpful.  I really wanted to try this theory but Tinder apparently has some issue working on my phone and keeps putting a pop-up message telling me to log in despite the fact I’m logged in and using the app.

If you’ve never used a program like Tinder you’re wondering why I call it a Swipe and Gripe app.  The way Tinder works is you look at a photo and swipe left for not interested and swipe right for interested and then spend enormous amounts of time griping to your friends about how crap the dates you go on are.

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Mental Illness when to you fess up?

Mental Illness when do you fess up?

You’ll all have noticed I’ve been off line for over 6 months which for someone who was a prolific blogger is a little odd.  Did I meet the man of my dreams and settle down to happy domestic bliss?  Aha no that would have been a lot funner but probably just as frustrating as what has been going on.

So what has been happening?  Once I got back from London in October 2015 I ended up having to give up work because I got so ill I literally couldn’t get out of bed.  Unhappy with my medical care I found a new doctor who did something a little radical he took me off all existing medication, ran a million tests, reviewed what meds I had been on and why and if they were interacting badly etc.  Basically he took me back to basics, changed a couple of things like my blood pressure meds and somehow got my migraines under control without Codeine based pain killers.

This should have been the woooohooooo moment were I got my life back after 20 years of being at the mercy of the cycle of migraines and codeine based pain med addiction.  My liver and kidney function improved and my blood pressure stabilised  but my brain broke.  Suddenly without up to 8 codeine based pills which are opiate (narcotic) analgesics suppressing my brain waves my brain went wonky, really really wonky. My anxiety got so bad I vomited just driving passed where I used to work, I couldn’t find my keys one day and ended up sitting on the floor rocking back and forth crying because it stressed me out so bad and so on.

My doctor decided to try anti-anxiety drugs but with heavy monitoring (I had to see him every 3 days).  This to me seemed a little like over kill considering my x-doctor back in 2008 put me on a dose of antidepressants that should technically only have been prescribed by a psychiatrist and after a week without any suicidal reactions never reviewed it again, just kept handing me scripts even after I told them I’d stopped taking the pills.

However new doctor insisted on heavy monitoring and thank the goddess he did because I got worse not better, so we tried a different type of drug and again I got worse.  At this point my doctor went – your reaction to these pills is really wrong and spent a very extended visit asking me a million questions and ticking boxes on forms.  He then very very gently informed me he was 99% sure I had Bipolar but he would need to send me to a Psychiatrist for a full diagnosis and he wasn’t prescribing anything till I’d seen the specialist but till then I was on weekly visits so he could monitor my moods and ensure I was functioning and not becoming catatonically depressed or suicidal.

Functioning I was only just managing but at least someone wasn’t just shoving pills at me and telling me to go away. So I’ve now been seeing my Psychiatrist for a couple of months and I’m not bipolar but I do have mode instability that I now take anti-psychotics to control. What I am is Autistic (High Functioning) with Communication and Social Interaction issues and co-morbid ADHD.  The ADHD is treatable with drugs, being Autistic isn’t really treatable but behavioural therapy will help me learn to deal with lifes ups & downs better, we hope!

From my point of view finding out that yes I am crazy but it’s not hormones, stress levels, imaginary or whatever is in one respect nice because I know what’s wrong and we’re working on treating it.  Well, at least we can treat the ADHD, the Autism isn’t treatable but I can learn better strategies for coping when information overload happens.  I might even eventually learn to read facial expressions and body language (hopefully).

The downside – eventually after I put the jigsaw puzzle peaces of my life back together I have to start back on the dating roundabout.

Why is this a downside?  Here’s a fun little test for you – say the first 5 things that come to mind when you hear the words Autistic, ADHD or Anti-Psychotic Medication……………

On that list you probably have things like –

  1. crazy,
  2. mood swinging nutter,
  3. psycho,
  4. boil the bunny obsessive,
  5. hyperactive,
  6. depressed,
  7. suicidal,
  8. flaky
  9. Makes Wade Wilson look sane
  10. Way to much work,
  11. constantly moving, twitching and unable to sit still
  12. can’t be hugged or touched without a wall punching melt down and so on and so forth

Not very positive or complementary is it.  Would you want to date someone who you know can have extreme mood swings, constantly wondering which version of the person you’re going to wake up next to (depressed, hyper-happy, anxious, irritated, hyper-sexuallised). Don’t get me started on how the media portrays people who are Autistic or have other mental illness because that’s an entire rant on its own.

So at what point in the dating process do I say

“oh by the way I’m technically classified as being disabled and mentally ill because I’m autistic so I’m not neurotypical, but I’m supper smart with an IQ above genius level, however I get a little scatty if I forget to take my dexamphetamine every 3 hours to control my ADHD “

Mmmmm sounds like an amusing profile designed to catch the eye and make you laugh, till you realise this is my reality!

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Jane Austen - Rules on Dating, Uncategorized

The Jane Austen Rules

Photo on 14-01-16 at 8.35 AM

I picked this book up at my local library mainly because I’ve read the book called THE RULES and this book very much pokes fun at the advice given in THE RULES.

The Jane Austen Rules – A Classic Guide to Modern Love is only 135 pages long and the writing style makes it both easy to read and easy to understand.   It only has 11 chapters and you can easily read a chapter in under 30 min so even if you only read 2 chapters a day you’d be done in a week.

I’ll admit I’m not a big Jane Austen fan and have only ever actually read one of her books “Emma” and the only reason I read it was because of the name.  I mean who is going to resist reading a book who’s title happens to be your name.  Until reading this little gem I had actually managed to totally forget the characters and plot of  Emma and considering I have a near photographic memory for me to forget everything other than the name of a book says a lot about what I thought of Jane Austen novels.

The Jane Austen Rules – A Classic Guide to Modern Love actually does a remarkably good job of pointing out how the main female characters in Jane Austen novels did not in fact follow the conventional “rules” which in Regency England 200 years ago where written in book with titles like The Lady’s Guide to Perfect Gentility (New York 1857).

Sinead Murphy (the author) makes an excellent point that the information provided in the etiquette and conduct books from Jane Austen’s time on how to attract a suitable husband isn’t a whole lot different to the books like The Rules written 200 years later but with the same purpose.  Sadly she is correct I’ve actually read historical books on expected etiquette and conduct of young ladies who are to be presented to soicety and they have fascinating advice like

  • you should appear to be interested in whatever your dancing partner is talking about
  • don’t engage in conversation unless he initiates it,
  • don’t appear to be to intelligent,
  • always be perfectly presented
  • when seated ensure you are sitting at the front of the chair to avoid the temptation of leaning on the back rest and ensure you sit upright at all times
  • always smile and laugh at his jokes even if you are not amused or do not understand them

Sadly you can find nearly identical advice in just about every book, blog, YouTube or advice article available today (so much for progress!!)

The central theme of The Jane Austen Rules – A Classic Guide to Modern Love is simple be a real women with real interests, real hobbies, a real life and a real brain because that is what attracts real men.

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