Tinder Scam Profiles – Always “I’m deployed”

I’ve been playing  on Tinder now for a couple of months and although it has gotten better there is still Scammer Profiles that pop up.  Part of me being me is that I have a near photographic memory and I find patterns in information it’s what made me very very very good in my career as an Information Management specialist.

The below is just my opinion and it’s specific to male profiles since I’m not bi or gay  my Tinder profile is set as “Female Looking For Male” so I have no idea what female scammers do.

The male scammer profile has a tendency to be as follows.

  1. Limited to one photo – occasionally 2
  2. Photo will be some guy in a Military Uniform, if there is 2 photos one might be in normal clothes (scammers are getting smarter about this)
  3. Profile location will be a gazillion kilometres away from you to make it look like they are deployed
  4. They don’t list qualifications
  5. They have some vague description of job like “Engineer in Deployed Location”
  6. Normally in the age range of 35 to 45 (that could possibly just be my preference settings)
  7. They will tell you their marital status is one of 3 things (this normally comes up in conversation after they figure out which one is more likely to push you sympathy button)
    • Widowed (less popular these days)
    • Recently divorced because she couldn’t handily his job
    • Single forever because his job makes it impossible to get a relationship going
  8. Their profile “about me” will be very generic but not really tell you a whole lot apart from probably hight, lonely, deployed etc.
  9. The topic of children will not be on the “about me” because they want to find out if either you have kids, want kids or don’t have/don’t want.

They used to just flat out after the first “hi how are you” ask for your KiK, Whats App, email, mobile number or whatever but they’ve got a bit smarter and now do a bit of digging to see if you’re a suitable target.

The script seems to go something like this:

  •  “Hi I’m so glad we matched I real like your profile”
  • “How long have you been on Tinder”
  • “I’ve only just started on Tinder this week still trying to get an idea of how it works” (they are hoping you haven’t seen their profile for the last 6 months and clicked NO)
  • “How long have you been single” (e.g. how desperate are you to be in a relationship and how easy are you to hook into a scam)
  • “Do you have children” – followed by “do you want kids, I’ve always wanted kids, my x has my kids and won’t let me see them”
  • “Where do you live” (normally asked so if you give them your phone number they know what country code to plug in because most people don’t think to give that info when suppling a mobile number)
  • “What do you do for a living”
  • “Have you ever communicated with a soldier”

At this point in time they normally vanish off my profile so I have no idea what comes next but I’m guessing it’s

  • “We’re really not supposed to use these types of apps while deployed can I talk to you via Facebook, KiK, Whats App, Email or text to your phone”

Why do they stop talking to me, delete our perfect match and block me – I used to work for Defence and I still have my security clearance and I love saying things like.  “Oh I’ve got lots of soldiers I talk to online because I worked for Defence, which when you think about it makes it easier for us because if we do start dating it’ll be really easy to cross-reference your security clearance” and POOF INSTANTLY THEY VANISH.

I’ve also had them instantly vanish when I ask things like

  • “you just told me you work for the US Army why does your profile pic have you in a UK Royal Marines Uniform”
  • “If you are in the USMC why are you wearing an Army Uniform”
  • “If you are deployed in XYZ province why are you on Tinder, doesn’t it breach the current communication restriction rules”
  • “If Tinder isn’t allowed because it has a GPS location component why would you be allowed to use FaceBook, KIK, Whats App they all have the same GPS algorithm”

As I said this is just my opinion but “I’m a deployed soldier” seems to be the latest hook for women looking for a nice guy on things like Tinder.  Personally it really shits me off because I do have friends who are or have been deployed in war zones around the globe and lack of ability to communicate with the outside world can do some serious damage to their mental health and make them feel incredibly isolated.

So next time you’re chatting to a supposedly deployed soldier offer to become a pen pal and ask for his snail mail address or his military e-mail address.  If they are a scammer snail mail will be rejected instantly and you’ll probably get offered a @gmail or @hotmail email address.  Instantly plug the email address into google and see if it pops on any scam sites, they tend to be remarkably dumb about changing addresses.


Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur

Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur – A Mythological Dating Guide

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Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur is actually less a dating guide since it does not tell you where to find dates or how to behave on date as it is a quiz book to find the type of Mythological Creature you are and the best “type” of Mythological Creature you are suited to for a relationship.

The way she describes things makes the book easy to read and very entertaining.  For instance she describes her experience of being a first time online dater as “feeling like I had wandered into a dark thicket and lost my way. I was suddenly in a foreign, twisted, tangled forest without a map or a guidebook to help me understand all the new creatures that surrounded me. “.  This is a description I totally get I feel the same every time I venture into a new chapter of my dating life.

So she developed her survival strategy which was to come up with a system of classifying people herself included into what she knows best “Mythological Creatures”.  From that point she found it easy to work out best, worst and possibly might work types to date based on her classifications system.

The book is easy to navigate it starts out with “personality type descriptions” and from there you then look up what Mythological creature you are based on your personality type and then you go look up how your mythological creature interacts with others.

I’ll admit I was sceptical at first but I did what the instructions said and at first I swung between the personality type of “Urban Elf” and “Banshee” till I read the full description of both and I am 110% a Banshee.  Ironically Banshee best match is a Werewolf, which is hilarious because I’ve always said I like dog better then people and lets face it a Werewolf is just a big dog.

She does state in the book that you might find despite the fact your gender is female your mythological creature type might be male and vice versa.  She also has sections on “mixers” people who don’t neatly fit into one mythological creature type but are say a combo of “Fairy/Vampire” which she calls Night Fairies.  The book caters for all types as it has Male-Female, Male-Male and Female-Female matching sections and can be used both for dating or any other area of your life where you are going to be letting someone get close to you (e.g. friendship, business partner).

What the book is not going to tell you is where to find your ideal partner although when you read the descriptions of the typical activities enjoyed by this type of mythological creature in the full type descriptions you’ll find good hints as to where to go hunting.  For example you are likely to find “Urban Elves” male or female in their favourite coffee shop watching people and blogging on their laptops or Vampires are unlikely to be found at the beach unless it’s after dark and they are watching the moon rise.

Personally as someone who grew up loving fair tails and Roman/Greek myths I love this book and it really does make it less terrifying trying to work out if the person your interested in is likely to be a good match for you because it’s suddenly fun trying to work out which Mythological Creature your prospective partner is.

One Word Respondent

One Word Respondent

Having moved back to the Sunshine Coast and had my life turned upside down, inside out and back wards I decided to re-enter the dating world.  This time round I did the online thing, don’t ask me which site because for the life I me I can’t remember.  I quickly learned to be very very picky about what I was and was not interested in and eventually bit the bullet and went on a couple of real live dates.

First guy I meet seemed nice enough online and texting but on the phone was very short in his responses as in he only gave one word answers like yes, no, fine, by.  Since I’m not a big fan of chatting to people I haven’t met in person on the phone I didn’t hold this against him.

So the appointed date and time came around and I was waiting outside Jamaica Blue in Mooloolaba when a he turned up and for once I was truly surprised as he looked exactly like he did in his online profile picture, I’m actually 99% sure he was even wearing the same t-shirt.  This in the online dating world isn’t very common as people tend to use their best or in some cases worst photos to put up so it’s odd for someone to look exactly the same in person as on a profile pic.

The date was short and possibly the most painful social experience I have lived through.  To start with I did the usual “Hi I’m Nikki it’s nice to meet you” thing as you hold out your hand for a hand shake.  His response was mmm and the most dead body handshake I have ever felt.  Seriously his skin was cold and there was little to no effort on his part to move his hand and arm in the normal handshake way and it was creepy.

So we ordered coffee, paid and sat down and OMG it was bad.  He stared at me the entire time but didn’t talk unless I asked questions in which case I got one word responses.  To give you an indication of what it was like the conversation went something like this:

Me – so your profile says you own your own business what do you do?

HIM – Landscaping

Me – oh really how long have you been doing that?

Him – years

Me – have you lived on the coast long?

Him – no

By this stage I was finding it tough to be polite and rapidly running out of things to ask questions about.  Normally I don’t have a problem being social and nattering away with social babble so long as I’m getting some decent feed back that I can work with I can hold a conversation with just about anyone but this guy was giving me nothing to work with.

Eventually I just stopped talking, quickly drank the rest of my coffee, said something like “it was really nice meeting you” and fled.  By the time I got home he’d blocked my profile so it’s not like I could even ask what was with the anti-social one line responses.  If I was suspicious, which I am, I’d think two very different people were talking to me because the online persona was very chatty and funny and well written where as the guy i had coffee with was a walking corps.

Mr My Wife

Mr My Wife

By now I was going on these dates for pure entertainment and with the mindset that what doesn’t kill you would probably make and excellent book someday. The next guy I went on a coffee date with had a mind-set that was just plain scary.

Physically he was really muscled since he spent at least 2 to 4 hours every day at the gym lifting weights and doing muscle sculpting for a rough idea of his muscle mass think Arnold Schwarzenegger in his body building days. Overly muscle guys aren’t normally my thing to start with but when I met this guy I had to bite the inside of my mouth really heard not to burst out laughing the problem was he was only about 5ft (152cm) tall so the muscle mass was badly proportioned. He was nice enough to give me a rose on the coffee date and then screwed it up 5 min later by commenting that someone my size really should only ever drink low or zero fat milk in her coffee.

Turns out he had grown up in a small town near Canberra, moved to Canberra to attend University and had never left. As I found out when I asked more questions he meant it when he said he’d never left Canberra, not even for a weekend away in Sydney or down to the Coast. I asked him what he did for holidays and turns out he took “stay-cations” and booked a hotel room in Canberra and did the tourist things in Canberra. If you’ve ever been to Canberra you would know that there really isn’t all that much to do in the way of “tourist” things let alone for every vacation you’ve ever taken in the 20 years he had lived there.

Then things got really creepy when he started going on about how when he got married his wife wouldn’t work. His wife would be a stay at home mum and she would have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl but his wife would have a university degree because then his children would be smart. He would give his wife an allowance every month because women could never seem to manage money and the more you gave them the more they would waste it. Once a year till they had children, which would be exactly 3 years after they were married, he would take his wife on a vacation but only one of those would be overseas and he would pick the location. His wife would go to the gym every day because it would be important for his career for her to look her best and his wife would not be allowed to have a weight issue.

I honestly felt sorry for this “wife” of his because over the years he had created the perfect fantasy in his head about what this “wife” would do, say, look like, act and it seemed to be a cross between Barbie and The Stepford Wife robots. I stopped counting the amount of times he used the term “my wife” when I hit 50 and this date only went for 30 minutes, seriously the guy had issues.

He didn’t suggest we have a second date thank the goddess because I’m not sure I could have thought of a nice way to say “ah no way in hell”.  As it turns out we both told the Dating Agency from Hell that they totally missed the mark on that date as we had zero interests in common and even less interest in each other.  By now I was beginning to realise that Carman wasn’t even interviewing the people she sent me on dates with because when I mentioned he was only 5ft (152cm) tall she said to me “oh really I would never have realised he didn’t sound short on the phone”, I just hung up on her it seemed simpler than pointing out that under the contract I signed with her company she’s supposed to vet these guys in person as suitable candidates before sending me on dates with them.