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I’m out of ideas!

As you would have noticed I haven’t written for this blog site for a while.  It’s not because I’m lazy it was because I was a little busy trying to fix my mental, physical and emotional health problems.  Why did I stop the whole husband hunt side of things while I was doing this?  I realised while having a massive mental health crisis that there wasn’t much point in husband hunting to find someone who’d love me if I didn’t even really like me let alone love myself.

As it turns out I’m high functioning autistic with communication difficulties and co-morbid ADHD so fixing me isn’t going to happen but learning to love me as me has happened.  Medication for the ADHD means I can now sit still for more than 2 minutes and have a conversation without it taking a huge amount of effort to stay on topic.  No medication will help with my autism but behavioural therapy is helping me learn that emotionally and mentally I’m wired a little differently so I’m never going to be “normal”, which is fine and I’m leaning better coping skills, social skills and how to not make stupid chaos making decisions.  If you want full details on the whole autistic side of my life go read The Cutting Cookies Circus my blog all about my diagnostic journey and autistic view of life.

So I’m now closing in on 18 months of being in the care of my amazing Psychiatrist and 14 months of working with my incredibly paitent Psychologist for behavioural therapy.  I’ve started my own business Aunty Emz Blankets started joining social networks with the help of my business buddy Crystal C & A Beauty By Design both to meet people and to build business contact here on the Sunshine Coast, joined 2 book clubs and so on and so forth.  Basically I’ve started to build a life here on the Sunshine Coast and for the foreseeable future I will be staying here so I decided it was time to put my big girl panties on and gratefully glide back into the dating world.

As you’ve probably guessed by the title of this blog I’ve hit a bit of a glitch with my plan to gracefully glide back into the dating world as a fully formed, loving thy self goddess that I am.

WHATS THE PROBLEM

I have no idea how to find eligible bachelors to date on the Sunshine Coast!

  • Bar/Pub/Club – ah no because I don’t drink alcohol, I’m autistic and frankly if you’re over 30 and still looking for husband material in bar/pub/club you are in all probability going to end up with an alcoholic fuck-wit or a toy boy looking for a sugar mama
  • Match Maker (Relationship Consultancy Service) – they either no longer exist because they’ve been wiped out by the Online versions or the Sunshine Coast doesn’t have any I’m not sure which but either way I can’t find even one to go talk to.
  • Internet Dating Sites/Mobile Apps – The free to use ones are frankly shit I know I’ve tried most of them and if I’m going to pay for the privilege of been sent on bad dates I at least want the ability to walk into an office and talk to a living, breathing human about improving the process.
  • Speed Dating – not one speed dating company runs any events on the Sunshine Coast.  Closest event I can find is in Brisbane (roughly 2 hours south of where I live) so the event might cost $20 to attend but add in petrol, parking, post event stress triggered therapy and I’d be looking at upwards of $150 in real costs.  Plus if I did actually make a mutual match with an eligible bachelor he’d be living anywhere from 2 to 4 hours drive away from where I live so not exactly a good start (especially when you’re unemployed yet again and petrol is around $1.25 to $1.38 a litre).
  • MeetUp Groups – yeah nah one thing I’ve learnt about being autistic is I am never going to be comfortable with meeting a whole bunch of new people at once and unfortunately all my girl pals here on the coast are not single so they can’t join and come as my security blanket. Plus looking at the age groups at 43 I’m in the no group for you range.  I did look and found social single groups for 25-35, 30-40 and 50+ all of which make a point if telling you that you must show proof of age when first attending and if you’ve fib on your application and are too old/young for the group you’ve attempted to join you’ll be removed from the group and blocked from their social media sites.
  • Table For 6 (or similar) – ummmm no for a couple of reasons like cost because you have to pay either a 6-12 month membership fee plus you pay for your meal every time you attend an event.  I’m currently unemployed (again) and the Aunty Emz Blankets as yet isn’t making money so what little money I have is being spent on things like food, petrol, medication, Psychiatrist visit and other things I need to stay alive and healthy.  Plus when you start digging into the T&Cs they state that even though you’ve faithfully paid your 6 or 12 month membership fee there is no guarantee you’ll ever actually get a spot on a table in the time period of your membership it all depends on the amount of people in the age group they will put you in so to many or to few in your age group and you miss out on a spot.
  • Team Sport or Group Anything – do not even go there people I’m autistic I don’t do TEAM or GROUP anything.  Hell I even have a mini panic attack turning up to my pilate classe at CGM Pilates and I’ve been going there for 2 months so it’s not like I’ve never met my class mates or instructor before I see them every week.

So I’m 100% out of ideas – please feel free to comment with suggestions, advice and possible good ideas oh hell even possibly bad ideas would be welcome at this point in time.

 

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LIGHT BULB!

LIGHT BULB!

Last weekend I was sitting on the lounge flicking through books and attempting to decide which book to crack open next and I’ll admit having a bit of a “araghhh all these books say the same crap” moment of irrational anger.

They all say things along the lines of

  • You have to love you before you can love someone else
  • Know what you’re looking for and be specific when writing it down
  • Fake it till you make it
  • Think yourself into the healthy you that you want to be
  • You are what you eat (one more stick thin gym junky says this to me and I’m going to eat them)

So why was this all shitting me off?

Because I’ve been through counselling post death and cancer, I’ve had 2 life coaches (both awesome women), I’ve seen a psychologist and I have a psychology degree so I know me inside out and backwards.  I would have said I knew exactly what I was looking for in a partner and if you could think yourself thin I’d be a half my body size by now.  I’ve followed the advice in these books by writing down what I want in a partner, going out on dates and letting the universe know I’m ready for my true love to sweep me off my feet.

AND GUESS WHAT I”M STILL FUCKING SINGLE SO ALL THAT WORK AND ADVICE HAS DONE —— NOTHING

I decided to read “Find Love – How to Meet The One Who’s Right For You” by Carolin Dahlman mainly because this is the first book of this sort I’ve found written by someone in Australia so it’s technically slightly more relevant to my life than say something from the USA or UK.  I’ll link to the review of this book when I finish reading it and actually write the review!

I was expecting to hate it considering the mood I was in then In the introduction I read two sentences:

“For example last winter I was really keen on moving from Sweden to Australia and therefore wasn’t ready to enter into a relationship that would keep me in Sweden.  There was internal resistance in me”

And I very suddenly I had a Felonius Gru Moment:     IMG_4310

So what was my “LIGHT BULB” moment?  For all that I really want to find that guy I can put as my In Case Of Emergency or Next Of Kin on forms and know that he’ll be there when they call I need him to fit into my world.  You’ve all just gone “your world” how different can your would actually be?

Very different I am a gypsy literally I don’t stay anywhere very long and even when I am living in one spot I’m likely to be travelling for work or plotting my next move.  To put this in prospective I’ve moved 21 times in 17 years and only 4 of those where in the same area doing the same job all the other moves where things like one end of the country to the other and starting a new job.  Working short term contract or in positions where I come in, do the data clean up and move on to the next project suits me down to the ground.

As odd as it sounds I’ve never really thought about how a husband would fit into my lifestyle despite the universe trying very hard to give me hints that I was possibly looking at my dating life from the wrong angle.  I remember way back when I was in a relationship and we’d just ramped it up from friends to lovers and despite having conversations about possibly moving in with him when my lease was up I was applying for jobs all over the country and I never told him until I was offered a new job in a town in a totally different state.  Then there was the conversation with a now x-housemate about “perfect life” and she was saying she wants the white picket fence, bundle of kids, stay at home mum life where hubby comes home every night at the same time etc and I said to her “oh my god that is my idea of hell”.  Then this year I was talking to Evil Genius Mum hubby and bitching he never introduces me to any single guys he knows.  His response was to look at me like I’d lost my mind and he said “all the guys I know want to settle down, buy houses, join community groups and stay in the one spot to build a life.  You would break them when you get fed up and leave”, I thought it was funny at the time but thinking about it he’s very very right I don’t do “settled” in fact the thought of buying a house and staying put gives me hives.

The last couple of years I’ve still been going through the motions of “husband hunting” but my heart hasn’t really been in it and I couldn’t figure out why.  But now i know why I stopped believing I was going to “settle down” and I accepted the fact I would be a gypsy for the rest of my life so despite looking for a husband I had already subconsciously realised that dating with the intention of “settling down” was a total waste of my time because that’s not how I live my life.

I still want to find a guy I can marry but my frame of reference has now changed I need to find the guy who is either happy to be a gypsy with me or is willing to let me come and go from our home base without freaking out.  So far I haven’t met many men who would fit this rather odd niche.

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