Last weekend I was sitting on the lounge flicking through books and attempting to decide which book to crack open next and I’ll admit having a bit of a “araghhh all these books say the same crap” moment of irrational anger.
They all say things along the lines of
- You have to love you before you can love someone else
- Know what you’re looking for and be specific when writing it down
- Fake it till you make it
- Think yourself into the healthy you that you want to be
- You are what you eat (one more stick thin gym junky says this to me and I’m going to eat them)
So why was this all shitting me off?
Because I’ve been through counselling post death and cancer, I’ve had 2 life coaches (both awesome women), I’ve seen a psychologist and I have a psychology degree so I know me inside out and backwards. I would have said I knew exactly what I was looking for in a partner and if you could think yourself thin I’d be a half my body size by now. I’ve followed the advice in these books by writing down what I want in a partner, going out on dates and letting the universe know I’m ready for my true love to sweep me off my feet.
AND GUESS WHAT I”M STILL FUCKING SINGLE SO ALL THAT WORK AND ADVICE HAS DONE —— NOTHING
I decided to read “Find Love – How to Meet The One Who’s Right For You” by Carolin Dahlman mainly because this is the first book of this sort I’ve found written by someone in Australia so it’s technically slightly more relevant to my life than say something from the USA or UK. I’ll link to the review of this book when I finish reading it and actually write the review!
I was expecting to hate it considering the mood I was in then In the introduction I read two sentences:
“For example last winter I was really keen on moving from Sweden to Australia and therefore wasn’t ready to enter into a relationship that would keep me in Sweden. There was internal resistance in me”
So what was my “LIGHT BULB” moment? For all that I really want to find that guy I can put as my In Case Of Emergency or Next Of Kin on forms and know that he’ll be there when they call I need him to fit into my world. You’ve all just gone “your world” how different can your would actually be?
Very different I am a gypsy literally I don’t stay anywhere very long and even when I am living in one spot I’m likely to be travelling for work or plotting my next move. To put this in prospective I’ve moved 21 times in 17 years and only 4 of those where in the same area doing the same job all the other moves where things like one end of the country to the other and starting a new job. Working short term contract or in positions where I come in, do the data clean up and move on to the next project suits me down to the ground.
As odd as it sounds I’ve never really thought about how a husband would fit into my lifestyle despite the universe trying very hard to give me hints that I was possibly looking at my dating life from the wrong angle. I remember way back when I was in a relationship and we’d just ramped it up from friends to lovers and despite having conversations about possibly moving in with him when my lease was up I was applying for jobs all over the country and I never told him until I was offered a new job in a town in a totally different state. Then there was the conversation with a now x-housemate about “perfect life” and she was saying she wants the white picket fence, bundle of kids, stay at home mum life where hubby comes home every night at the same time etc and I said to her “oh my god that is my idea of hell”. Then this year I was talking to Evil Genius Mum hubby and bitching he never introduces me to any single guys he knows. His response was to look at me like I’d lost my mind and he said “all the guys I know want to settle down, buy houses, join community groups and stay in the one spot to build a life. You would break them when you get fed up and leave”, I thought it was funny at the time but thinking about it he’s very very right I don’t do “settled” in fact the thought of buying a house and staying put gives me hives.
The last couple of years I’ve still been going through the motions of “husband hunting” but my heart hasn’t really been in it and I couldn’t figure out why. But now i know why I stopped believing I was going to “settle down” and I accepted the fact I would be a gypsy for the rest of my life so despite looking for a husband I had already subconsciously realised that dating with the intention of “settling down” was a total waste of my time because that’s not how I live my life.
I still want to find a guy I can marry but my frame of reference has now changed I need to find the guy who is either happy to be a gypsy with me or is willing to let me come and go from our home base without freaking out. So far I haven’t met many men who would fit this rather odd niche.