The 4 Key Pillars of Relationship Industry

The 4 Key Pillars of Relationship Industry

In my travels through the often confusing world of modern day dating I’ve figured out that there are 4 key things that apply no matter if the “firm” you’re going through is online, in person or the new hybrid of both!

1. They are contractually obligated to find men (or women) to send on dates with you.
2. The more miserable and lacking in self esteem you are or become the more money they can make off you
3. There is no “classification” or “priority” system
4. They are trying to find the person to fit some guy (or girls) cookie cutter idea of “The Perfect Person”

1. They are contractually obligated to find men (or women) to send on dates with you.

From the minute you add your payment details and sign on the dotted line (or click yes) you have a contract with the company you just agreed to give large amounts of your pay-check to. Having gone through the “OMG so many questions to answer” introduction part you might be a little fuzzy on the details of what you’ve actually agreed to. Somewhere in the “contract” the site/agency will have listed the number of dates they are contractually obligated to send you on while you are a client. It could be 6 in 6 months or unlimited depending on the package you took. Either way from the time you pay the first payment (immediately) they now have to find that exact number of guys/girls for you to go out with or they are in breach of contract.

They hope after maybe date one or date two you’ll settle down and go out with that person till your contract has run out and then your no longer their problem. However if you’re like me (incredibly fussy apparently) and keep saying NOPE doesn’t meet the criteria you help me make then they have to keep coming up with new guys/girls for you to date. Even if the guys/girls left on their database are the total opposite of your choice and have literally been with the company so long as “unmatchable” they don’t pay a fee so long as they agree to go out with someone at short notice. I would never have know this little peace of information if it wasn’t for a very chatty guy I went on a date with who once he realized I was100% not interested or desperate enough to want to go out with him told me about the fact he has been on the Relationship Firms books for 4 years and doesn’t pay anything so long as he’ll agree to any date at any point in time with any chick they can’t match.

2. The more miserable and lacking in self esteem you are or become the more money they can make off you

You’d think that really good self esteem would be a bonus in the Relationship Matching world. However having been through the full process with 2 different firms in 2 different locations and the interview process with no less than 6 I can tell you they do NOT like strong minded, happy with your body, life is on track women. Neither incidentally do the books people wright about how to find him, date him and marry him.

Every single one of the agencies I looked into or actually signed up with tried their hardest to get me to sign up to a package that would include a personal shopper, personal trainer, dietary advice and over all how to present myself better so that my potential perfect partner would see what he was looking for not who I actually am. I got told what I was and wasn’t allowed to ware on dates, the topics of conversation that were “preferred”, the places that were and were not acceptable to go on a date and one firm even had a no date was to be less than 2 hours and you had to date the same person at least twice before you could say no. Don’t know about you but my perfect date would be a game of paint ball followed by hamburger eaten with my fingers at the beach and I can tell in 5 minutes of meeting you if you’ll fit into my world I don’t need two hours of bad date to figure that out. Can I do dressed to the hilt and hold a conversation on the way forward in counter terrorism at a 5 star restaurant yes but it’s not the everyday me you would be talking to or getting to know.

Any of the books will have at least one chapter on “How to attract him, flirt & act” the first thing they are going to say is just be you immediately followed by some advice about how the perfect flirt girl or boy is always perfectly put together and you should always have your hair and makeup done and be dressed appropriately when going out. Don’t know about you but I rarely ware makeup unless it’s Halloween I never wear a bra if I can get away with it and I’m not spending several hours trying to look perfect to go walk my dogs at the beach. If he’s going to be attracted to me for just being me then he better like a girl in jeans/shorts, t-shirt no bra, hair probably a mess and sunscreen since I don’t ware makeup.

The main point is the message they are selling is “you as you is just not good enough and we can make you the you he wants to go out with”. I call it the Stepford Wife advice. Unfortunately the more dates you go on the more it chips away at your self esteem and the more likely you are to try changing you and turn yourself into something your not and probably don’t want to be. Ok if you don’t wash for days on end, have never used a tooth brush, belch like a trucker and turn up with a black eye from your latest bar fight you either do need to rethink how your presenting yourself to the world or go find a guy who fits your life and likes you as you.

3. There is no “classification” or “priority” system

When signing up to a relationship firm or dating website you will be given several options of membership levels. Mostly they seem to go with Bronze (cheapest), Silver (Middle of the rang) and Gold (supper expensive). You’ll get some sepal about what is in the different levels and how as a gold member you’ll get their undivided attention at any time, you will be first to be match with new members, you can be match with members from any level but they’ll always try and match you with only gold members and so on. It’s total and utter BS. The only difference is going to be the number of dates they are contractually obligated to send you on and the price you will pay. You’ll probably actually get better service as bronze member as they only have to have minimal contact with you and find you probably 6 dates than as a gold member. Gold members are a pain (I know I was one) we expect good service for what we’re paying and most companies will struggle to meet their contractual obligation for “unlimited” number of dates while you are a member. As for priority – piffle doesn’t matter what level you’re at if they are contractually obligated to find you a date that week then they have to find it and if the bronze member’s phone call is due by 17:00 today and gold members phone call is due by 17:00 tomorrow then they are going to be working on the bronze members profile not the gold members profile.

4. They are trying to find the person to fit some guy (or girls) cookie cutter idea of “The Perfect Person”

The main reason you get asked to fill out a detailed as possible preference list is to take the hard work out of finding you dates. I’ve spent most of my career plugging information into a database, running reports and spitting out an answer that someone wants. If the answer isn’t exactly what the boss wants fine tweak the parameters of your question you ask the database and whala a perfect answer. Hate to disappoint you boys and girls but this is exactly what happens when they “match you” with a potential date. In all probability you will meet your consultant once, or twice if your being called in to be told how bad a client you are because you don’t play by the rules. The data they collect off you is feed into a database (probably by someone like me) and the search engine will then pop out the profiles with the highest compatibility to you. In real speak it means if someone ticked 92 out of the 100 tick boxes exactly the same as you then your going to be told they have found someone with a 92% match to your Perfect Person. But here’s the funny part about people if I got you to do the same pick list on a totally different day in a totally different mood, different time of day, different person asking the questions you would give totally different answers. Unfortunately your “consultant” is in all likely hood never going to ask you to come in an update your preferences what they are going to do is try and sell you a add on to your package to help you better present yourself and make money doing it.

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