There are two central ideas you need to understand for this blog to make sense.
1. What is the secret to finding Mr/Mrs Right
2. What is the Cookie Cutter idea of the perfect person
1. What is the secret to finding Mr/Mrs Right?
There is no secret to finding MR/MRS Right. It takes two people to make a relationship happen and work and if him/her is out there then they have to be looking for you as well at exactly the same time.
1. If your lucky you find each other and sometimes it works,
2. If your unlucky you find each other and it doesn’t work out or
3. You simply don’t find anyone because you’re the only one looking.
Either way you’ve got a 50% chance of being the only half of the equations looking so just stop and go spend the time, energy and considerable amount of money you would be spending going on bad dates on things that make you happy and make you love yourself.
2. What is the Cookie Cutter idea of the perfect person?
It is a simply idea but it seems to be tough to explain. Most people when they go speed dating, look online, relationship consultancy firm or whatever have some sort of “criteria” for what they do or don’t want in a partner. If like me you’re a little fuzzy on the detail of your “perfect person” all dating site/agency will make you fill out a preferences form to help them better match you with dates. Unfortunately from a psychology view point it also programs your brain to look for a person who ticks all your preferred characteristics boxes.
So you might have walked in/signed up with a vague idea of some guy/girl who treats me well and makes me laugh. By the end of the induction process you’re brain will now programmed to want to only find people who fit a very specific criteria also know as a Cookie Cutter Idea of The Perfect Person.
If they fit the cookie cutter model you just created then bingo they are your perfect person and it will all be sunshine and rainbows and you’ll get married and have the life you dreamed of or at least that’s what your brain is now programmed to believe.
So me for example I walked in/signed up with this idea that I wanted to find an employed, preferably none smoker, nice guy. What I walked out with was the below criteria programmed into my brain:
– Ok with me not having kids
– Drinks none or moderately
– Is over 5’11 but shorter then 6’8
– Muscular build
– Is in the Armed Forces
– Blue Eyed
– Like dogs
– Enjoys traveling
– Doesn’t whistle (ever)
So suddenly my brain has a tick list of criteria to go through when out with a potential partner to see if he is “perfect” and if he doesn’t tick the boxes then my brain screams NOPE and despite what my hormones might say about it I move onto the next guy on the list.
The horrible part is the longer you do this for and the more sites, agencies or whatever you try the more solidified the criteria of PERFECT becomes to the point you will unconsciously cross guys off because they don’t meet the criteria that has been programmed into your head before you ever really get to know them. This is really bad because it isn’t going to help you find the perfect person they simply don’t exist and you might have just unconsciously gone through your tick list gone NOPE to the not quite perfect guy who just smiled at you so you don’t smile/flirt back and because you didn’t smile back the girl in line behind you at the coffee shop goes “ohhhh mine” and steals him away.
So ditch the perfect person tick list that’s been programmed into your brain and you have a better chance of finding him. Don’t believe me you’ve been pre-programmed next time your out really look at the people around you and see if you find yourself suddenly “evaluating” potential single guys. Does he ware a ring (nope) tick one, I’m in 5” heels and he’s taller than me tick two, he just went outside with a guy holding a cigarette cross off list I don’t date smokers (sound familiar). What you missed was he went outside to go across the road and buy gum while his buddy had a cig outside the pub.
Now you understand the 2 central ideas behind what Cookie Cutter Dating is the next post will deal with “The 4 key pillars of Relationship Industry in depth:”