This book should be called “The HERE & NOW – are you in it?” because effectively that is what the entire book asks in every single chapter. The book up to page 79 is a series of short chapters that basically ask if you are living in Dreamland, Utopia, Fantasy Land, The Past or any other place in relationship world that is not right here right now reality. If you are anywhere other than right here right now reality then you’re not emotionally ready or equipped to handle a new relationship.
A big part of Emotional Availability is apparently transcending from normal human to the evolved species that has connected with it’s EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Apparently Emotional Intelligence is reach if you can answer yes to all of the following:
- Have a clear understanding of who you are
- Be able to understand and manage yourself and your emotions
- Be able to self-reflect
- Think outside your own reality and have empathy and compassion for others
- Be able to work through difficult issues in relationships
- communicate your feelings honestly and openly
- Be able to listen, comprehend and absorb another persons words
- be intuitively of another persons emotional needs
Personally I would have called that a checklist for being an ADULT but then again I’ve been on dates where none of the above apply so guess they have a point. I still don’t see how ticking off all of the above is going to help get me Mr Right unless I present him with the checklist and if he ticks all the boxes then he’s perfect right……..
On the topic of actually finding Mr Right the authors unfortunately peddle the same shit everyone else says, which is basically “get out there and join things and find people to date”. Join groups, go on blind dates, go online, find a matchmaker, never say no to an invitation for anything and somehow if you’re Emotionally Available he will magically appear and it’ll all be sunshine and roses. Going to admit this section of the book had me rolling my eyes and thinking oh yeah right and I can shit rainbows because I’ve been there done that I tick all the above boxes for Emotional Intelligence and guess what I’m still single!!!!!
I did have to smile on page 80 when the authors say
“People talk all the time about how much time/effort/money they’ve invested in their education/home/job/hobbies but how often do you hear people talk about how much they’ve invested in their emotional intelligence. It’s hard to imagine being at a party chatting to someone and them telling you how much they’ve invested in their self improvement like listening skills”.
I have actually heard that conversation while I was in LA last year, I was eves dropping on the table next to me who were having a dinner party conversation. One girl was saying something like “it’s not just how you look in this industry it’s about how you express yourself I’ve been taking classes in how to connect more with my audience” I’m not sure how well the classes where going as she totally missed the bored out of my brain expression on the face of the guy she was talking to.
The funnest thing about this book was the art work in it some of which didn’t exactly correspond to the written detail in the chapter it was attached to and in some cases it got the point across far better than the written words.