Despite the full title of this book being “Lose That Loser and Find The Right Guy: Stop Falling for Mr.Unavaliable, Mr Unreliable, Mr Bad.Boy, Mr Needy, Mr Married Man or Mr Sex.Manica” the book isn’t actually aimed at single females. The book is aimed at females currently dating one of those types and it’s basically a how to manual on breaking up with the current loser in your life and not falling for the same type in the future or goddess forbid taking the current loser back.
The blurb on the back-flap of the book states that the Author Jane Matthews is an award-winning journalist and editor. She’s been a features and women’s page editor on newspapers, magazine and internet news services. For the past seven years she has worked for a relationship counselling service while writing on relationship issues (book published 2005). Oddly she does not have any Author information available that I could find via google, amazon, berms & noble or any other search I did there is zip zero zilch checkable information to back up the claims on the blurb.
If she worked or works in Relationship Counselling Services it might explain the no holds bard way this book is written. It doesn’t beat around the bush it basically puts the boot in when saying you know you’re in a bad relationship, you always make the same mistakes, most of your problems probably stem from attachment issues dating back to your childhood and you probably need serious counselling before you can even thing of dating ever again because your emotionally damaged goods.
The book very much goes with the bandaid approach to removing the loser from your life. It will hurt like hell but the quicker and cleaner you do it the less likely it is to create real problems. It walks you through what to say, what to do, best places for a break up and what to expect afterwards on the emotional roller coaster that follows a breakup.
Oddly for a book that is about self improvement and building your self esteem so you love you and always put you first she has an odd habit of then backhanding and being nasty about women with good self esteem. For example on page 46 she states “At the heart of any healthy relationship is healthy self-esteem” and then on page 47 if you answered never to all the questions you have perfectly health self-esteem to which she says “hmm this could be a good thing but are you 100% sure it’s not you that’s Unavailable, Unreliable, Controlling” – basically saying well if you have perfectly healthy self-esteem you’re the problem not him (ah what the f….., didn’t you just say healthy self esteem is vital for a health relationship).
As for the finding the new man part she basically hands out the same old shit and not very creatively. The advice is write down what you’re looking for and don’t compromise, Mr Right is out there and he’ll appear when you’re happy with your life and least expect it (my pet peeve is hearing this line written or spoken), join clubs, join groups, go on dates, go on new adventures, go online, sign up with a Relationship Consultancy Firm and so on and so forth. Which I guess if you’ve been off the dating scene for a while and you’ve just spent large amounts of time and effort learning to love yourself her ideas might sound new and just what you need to do to tumble back into love.
However through the jaded eyes of an 11 year veteran in the Husband Hunting wars most of the things she lists as “places or ways of finding a new man” I’ve done and I’m still single. Maybe it’s my over healthy self-esteem stopping me from falling in love. The only thing I found interesting in this book was when I looked at my “Relationship” Vs “Dating” history I worked out that relationship wise my Ex-partners where all really good guys and yes basically very similar our breaking up was wrong place wrong time not wrong person. Dating wise OMG my past is littered with Mr Wrong but I was smart enough never to go on second dates with them and not to actually have relationships with them so my healthy self-esteem and high standards have probably saved me large amounts of emotional pain.