I picked this book up at the local library with a fair amount of scepticism, I mean normally books on relationship advice are written by experts in the field with eons worth of expertise dealing with singles or couples with “relationship issues”. However I’m happy to report my opinion of this book changed in the first chapter. Louise Helene (the author) has been doing psychic readings in person and over the phone for over 30 years and 9 out of 10 questions she gets are to do with relationships issues so technically she is an expert in the field of Relationship Issues. Her niece Kim Osborn Sullivan PhD is the co-author and at the end of the chapters has sections of fascinating statistical information about the relationship industry and some of it is down right scary.
The book is broken up into 4 sections.
- Section One Finding Love is aimed squarely at the single girl looking for love and going through the what’s wrong with me that I can’t seem to find a nice guy to go out with
- Section Two Feeling Love this section covers those first stages of romance where you’re thinking is he really the right one for me, why has he suddenly stopped calling we where so comparable, he’s not quite the same as when we first started dating why does he now think it’s ok to fart in front of me, is he as committed to this relationship as I am
- Section Three Keeping Love this section is for the ladies and gents at the ok we’ve been together for x time it’s time for that commitment thing called a wedding to happen or is it? Are we on the same page about the direction our joint life will go including kids or no kids and so on.
- Section Four Bad Love this the ops he’s not the one how do I get out of this without hurting him or getting hurt by him advice. There is also a section on it’s over but will I ever find anyone else which is a good part to read if you’re slightly older and either new on the market or still looking for love in what feels like an every increasingly youth obsessed world.
I really loved a couple of things about this book the biggest one being it does NOT have the two things that drive me nuts about these types of books. It doesn’t have the chapter that says “you as you are just not perfect enough” which then goes on to list everything about you that men won’t find attractive. This chapter is normally followed by the “Step-ford Wife Chapter” that tells you that you can’t level your house without being perfectly presented. In fact the author does the total opposite and tells you in several places that if you can’t be totally relaxed around your partner then he’s not for you and same goes that if he can’t fart in front of you then your probably not for him.
A life time commitment shouldn’t involve being polite to each other and perfect 24/7 you should be able to get up and dag around in your PJs with your hair a mess till you’ve had coffee and he still thinks your wonderful and he should be able to be a guy and do guy things like fart and find it funny.
Oddly I love the statistics sections that are on the end of each chapter like the fact in 2010 a UK dating site questioned thousands of female users and found that on average a single girl goes on 24 dates or more before finding a guy she will go out with for longer than a month and will spend upwards of $3000 on dates alone (clothes, hair, makeup, transport, dinner, drinks, coffee all adds up). That it was estimated in 2011 that to raise one child all the way through to finishing university you will have invested roughly $500, 000 to ensure they grow up healthy, happy, educated and capable of getting a good job.
Since Louise Helene is a Psychic the book also has some really good exercises for tuning up your inner psychic (gut instinct). She points out that we as humans make a lot of decisions on what we call instinct or gut instinct but when it comes to falling in love we are very bad a listening to that inner something which can guide you away from bad and toward good.
My only grrr about the book is that it assumes you have a wide and large group of people in your life which I don’t so some of the finding him advice for me isn’t relevant. One exercise tells you to list all the traits you want in a guy then list all the single guys you know. Now go through the list of “traits” and write the name or names of the single guys you know who have that trait. Now re-look at the list and see which of your single male friends has the most amount of traits you’re looking for in a guy and you might have just found the guy you’re looking for. Great idea if you actually have any single male friends, unfortunately I don’t literally all the guys in my life are attached mostly to my friends and all their friends are also attached (sigh).
Tall – matt, joe, mike
Gets my jokes – Matt
Good with pets – Joe, Matt, Mike
Happy most of the time – Matt, Mike
Employed – Matt, Joe
The one I got to when Im upset – Matt
Answer – Matt is quite possible the guy I’ve been looking for I just didn’t know it.